


RHPS on the Dwarf

by thewronglong



Category: Red Dwarf, Rocky Horror Picture Show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 06:25:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17381333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewronglong/pseuds/thewronglong
Summary: Rimmer has loved the RHPS  for years, but he had no idea it was this popular.





	RHPS on the Dwarf

He'd brought the tape home by accident when he was fourteen. He thought he'd had rented another film, what, he'd long forgotten. What he got instead was madness. He'd watched it in enthralled silence, sitting as close to the tele as he could, with the sound turned almost all the way down. He strained to hear it, ever fearful of being caught. The tape would surely be destroyed if he was, not only because if the nature of the film, but because it was something he enjoyed.

He'd thought he'd lost it when they lost the ship, but he had soon discovered that all he had to do was close his eyes and he'd see it in his mind's eye. He'd hum along to the songs in his head. Still, he stayed careful never to be heard. 

It was a pleasant surprise to find the tape again on the resurrected ship and he watched it every chance he'd get. The guys were away on a salvage mission so he knew he would have at least a few hours. Rimmer sang along to the songs and mouthed the words of the dialogue. In his excitement he didn't notice Lister come into the room. He fumbled for the remote, but he'd been caught. 

Before Rimmer could open his mouth to make excuses Lister exclaimed “Rocky Horror! Alright!” And flopped down beside him to watch.

“You know The Rocky Horror Picture Show?”

“Yeah, man, used to go to it every year with me mates. Didn't ever hear you mention it before.”

“Go to it? Like a show?” Rimmer asked incredulously.

“Well yeah, they'd show it every year round 'alloween. You've never been? You were singing all the words.”

“I've only ever seen the tape.”

“Man, you're missing out”

“I don't see what the big deal is, on TV or in a theater it's the same show.”

“That's it Rimmer,” Lister popped the tape out, “we've got to do this right. Lemme get on subspace and see who's about, we're gonna need a propah audience for this.”

The following Saturday Rimmer went to bed as usual but was woken up around midnight by a very excited Lister. 

“C'mon, it's time for the show.”

“What show?”

“Rocky Horror, baby!” Lister clapped his gloved hands.

“Can't it wait til morning?”

“Nah man, everybody's here, let's go.” He yanked at the hologram until he got up. 

“What's this?” Rimmer pointed at the large paper bag Lister carried as they made their way to the ship's little theater. “Snacks? Dry toast and toilet paper? Sounds tasty.”

Lister just smiled.

They got to theater and Rimmer was surprised to see so many… people?... occupants inside. He spotted Hogan near the front, for some reason the crazy smegger was wearing a blonde wig and a bra. Butler and Kryten chatted off to one side. Butler had wisps of blonde and grey hair glued around the back of his squarish head. Kryten wore a French maid's apron and hat. There was even a small group of gelfs, one of which had fishnet stockings pulled up over its hairy legs. A pair of scutters rolled up and down the aisle shooting each other with water guns, one had a pair of golden underwear stretched across its base. Cat sat perched near the back, taking it all in with equal disgust and curiosity.

Lister picked Rimmer a seat and made his way to the small stage in the front of the room. He waved everyone quiet as he stood in front of the screen. “Welcome… Welcome everyone to Red Dwarf's first annual screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show” there was a small but enthusiastic applause and a few gelf grunts, “I regret to inform you that due to lack of available actors there will not be a shadow cast this evening, but feel free to act out whatever parts you like… or just act out. I know there's a lot of virgins in the audience tonight, but we'll forgo all that that for time's sake. Let's all have fun tonight, guys. I hope you brought your toast!” 

The screen went dark, and to Rimmer's annoyance and dismay Lister shouted out beside him “Let there be lips!” 

“What the smeg are you doing?” Rimmer elbowed Lister in the side.

“Ow! Hey, call backs are all part of the experience.” Lister pulled a pair of Mickey Mouse ears out of the bag. 

“What's this for?”

“It's your costume, innit? I'm obviously Eddie, so that makes you…”

“Columbia? Wait a minute…”

“Shh, it's starting. Listen, since I'm the only one who knows all the call backs I've a job to do now, but feel free to join in.” He patted Rimmer's mousey head.

He was annoyed at first, but soon got into the groove of things. Rimmer found himself yelling “asshole” and “slut” in time with the windshield wipers along with everyone else. He even did the time warp in front of others for the first time.

Rimmer had to wipe his eyes from laughing so hard during Hot Patootie, Lister spent most of the song being chased around the theater by a very large gelf doing its best go at a Frank impression. The stockings and corset were quite fetching, but he had a sneaking suspicion the chainsaw was real. 

When it was all over and people began filtering out of the theater and heading down to Parrott's for the after party Rimmer was surprised when people started thanking HIM for such a fun night. 

“Lister, why do people keep thanking me? This whole thing was your idea.”

“Yeah, but you had the movie, didn't ya? Without you all this,” Lister waved at the toilet paper covered theater. A crumpled sheet of newspaper rolled by like a tumbleweed, “wouldn't have been possible.”

A warm feeling crept Rimmer as he shook rice from his tunic and hair. It was amazing something that he'd been ashamed of loving for so long was beloved by so many others. “Lister, you said this was the first annual showing..”

“Yeah..”

“And it's tradition to dress up?”

“Yeah..”

“Next year I'm going to be Frank then.”

“Good deal mate,” Lister clapped him on the shoulder, “I'll be Rocky”


End file.
